The Impact of Gray Divorce on Adult Children

 Posted on January 09, 2025 in Divorce

Baby boomers currently have the highest divorce rate in the United States, and they are the only generation to increase their divorce rate as they age. Divorce is usually difficult and often messy and contentious regardless of how long a marriage lasts. While children often bear the brunt of a chaotic divorce, even grown children can have difficulty accepting a divorce, especially when the parents are in their 50s, 60s, or even 70s.

It can take sensitivity and understanding to help adult children get through the divorce of their older parents. There are also many issues that older divorcing couples need to consider that younger couples might not. An experienced Geneva, IL family law attorney can guide you through the process in the best possible way.

Why Are Older Americans Divorcing So Often?

While some older couples divorce for many of the same reasons younger couples do (infidelity, money issues, drug or alcohol addiction), there are some additional reasons for divorce that apply to older couples, including:

• There is much less stigma surrounding divorce than there was when these couples were younger.
• Life expectancy has increased, making some couples in their 50s or 60s ask themselves whether they want to spend another 20 or 30 years with their spouse.
• Older couples feel less compelled to "stay together for the children," although grey divorce does still affect adult children.
• A couple’s priorities and interests may have changed over the years.
•  More often than you might think, one spouse divorces the other spouse who has health issues.

How Does Gray Divorce Affect Grown Children?

Gray divorce may be more emotional for everyone because a couple has spent many decades together. Adult children may try to talk their parents out of divorce, either because they fear they will become responsible for a parent or because they truly believe their parents should remain together. Adult children who want their parents to remain together may believe they are "helping" them through a difficult time while, in reality, they are simply impeding a divorce both parents want.

Adult children are also more likely to believe they have the ultimate say in whether their parents should divorce, or that they know what is best for their parents. Although you might not anticipate that grown children could be emotionally traumatized by a divorce, it can and does occur. Adult children are less likely to seek professional help to deal with the divorce and may not even confide their feelings to their friends, family members, or their own spouses.

An adult child may harbor resentment against one or both parents for adding this stress to their lives as they juggle work, marriage, and children of their own. Some adult children may question whether the happy memories they had regarding their childhoods and their parents’ roles in those childhoods were actually genuine. Losing the family home they grew up in can also result in acute sadness and loss for adult children of parents going through a divorce.

Adult children are sometimes more likely to feel like they have a personal stake in the division of assets portion of the divorce, as they may look at it like they are losing their inheritance. It is important that older couples with adult children refrain from sharing every detail about the divorce with their children. While it may feel more natural since the children are grown, there are some things they do not need to know, regardless of their ages.

Contact a Kane County, IL Divorce Lawyer

Gray divorce and dealing with adult children during a gray divorce can have many implications that can benefit from having an experienced Geneva, IL divorce attorney from Serrano Hanson & Hurtado, LLC. Our attorneys will guide you through the process in the best way possible. Call 630-844-8781 to schedule an initial appointment. We are fluent in Spanish and English.