Five Reasons Divorce Mediation May Fail

 Posted on March 27, 2025 in Family Law

In many family law cases, especially those that involve children, the court may require mediation, although in some cases, the judge may waive court-ordered mediation. This usually happens only when it is clear that mediation will not be successful for the parties involved. Whether a couple is ordered to mediation during a divorce or agrees to it on their own, mediation requires active participation, as well as a willingness to communicate and accept resolutions for disputed issues.

When the court requires you to meet with a mediator - a neutral third party who will help you resolve your disputes – all divorce-related issues will be discussed. This includes the division of marital assets, the award of spousal support, and the allocation of parental responsibilities and parenting time. Post-divorce issues can also be brought before a mediator, such as one parent’s desire to move from the area or change the child’s school.  

If a couple cannot come to the necessary agreements during mediation, the process falls apart, and either the spouses’ attorneys will begin negotiations, or the case will land in court before a judge. There are many reasons mediation can be unsuccessful. When mediation fails to resolve your issues with your spouse, it is essential to consult a skilled Geneva, IL family law attorney to determine your next steps.

Why Mediation Sometimes Fails

Ending a marriage is emotional, regardless of whether both parties are in agreement regarding divorce or not. Unsuccessful mediation is usually the result of:

1.  One or both spouses are unable to be flexible about the issues being discussed and have no idea what "compromise" involves. Mediation is meant to be a process of "give and take," and if one spouse only wants to take, there is little hope the mediation will be a success.
2. One spouse is used to controlling everything in the marriage and expects to control the divorce and the mediation as well. If there is an imbalance of power in the marriage, a couple is unlikely to have a successfully mediated settlement during divorce.
3.  One or both spouses are focused on assigning blame for the divorce rather than working toward mutually acceptable resolutions. When there is swearing, rolling of eyes, name-calling, and other emotional outbursts, or when the conversation consists of "You always…" and "You never…" mediation is not likely to succeed.
4.  One spouse is a narcissist who will avoid compromise at all costs and who will be primarily focused on controlling the mediation. True narcissists are rarely successful in mediation.
5. The required documents were not properly shared, resulting in one party lacking the necessary information to make informed decisions. If there has not been full disclosure of assets and finances before the mediation begins, then one spouse will be at a disadvantage throughout the process.   

In some situations, one or both spouses may have unrealistic expectations of what mediation is – and is not. Both parties should meet with their divorce lawyer prior to attending mediation so they have an idea of what a "reasonable" compromise will look like.

Otherwise, one spouse may go into mediation expecting to receive a large monthly spousal support check for life because he or she is unaware of Illinois laws limiting both the amount and the duration of spousal support. Failing to reach agreements during mediation usually leads to a costly, time-consuming trial, making it important to have realistic expectations of the possible outcomes.  

Contact a Kane County, IL Divorce Lawyer

If you are facing a divorce in which mediation may play a part, discuss the issue with a Geneva, IL divorce attorney from Serrano Hanson & Hurtado, LLC. Unless you have a general idea of what the potential results of your mediation should be, you will essentially be "flying blind," which rarely results in good outcomes. Call 630-844-8781 to schedule an initial attorney meeting. We are fluent in Spanish and English.